How to Stop Worrying About What People Think Of You
DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU?
Be honest with yourself here.
Do you turn your shoulder sometimes to see what people react or have to say?
It’s human nature to feel “wanted” by the tribe. To be rejected represents a threat to your own survival. I know I have been wrestling with caring about people’s opinions and absorbing everyone’s stories. I then get airy and that’s when I start to feel out of alignment with my mind, body, and spirit. Though, sometimes a yoga +meditative intention setting workshop with @thehealthymaven and at @ovsanfrancisco (along with many more amazing friends) throws everything back into perspective. There will be constant noise around you - people doing their own things, letting their shit all out and honestly, that's not for you to care about. Whatever that is going on their own world is their own thing, not yours. Stop yourself and redirect your attention to you. Focus on your own lane. Find your feet, find those roots. Find the truth about who YOU ARE (without feeding into their constant feedback) because that's honestly ALL that matters! You are in this body, not theirs. Your life is your life to live, not theirs. Your story is yours to tell so don’t let them try to tell you otherwise. YOU define yourself, and you (and only you) can define your self-worth. For more details on overcoming what peopel think of you, visit the link in my bio! I love you!
Here are some MORE tips to work pass caring what other people think:
Imagine for a moment what life would be like if you didn’t care about other people’s opinions. Would you be self-centered and egotistical, or would you be set free to live a life fulfilling your true purpose without being held back by a fear of rejection?
I thought caring for what others thought of me made me selfless and considerate. While caring about the opinion of others helped me put myself into other people’s shoes, I discovered that my desire, or more specifically my attachment to wanting approval, had the potential to be one of my most selfish and destructive qualities.
The first way to overcome approval addiction is to be gentle with yourself. Wanting to feel connected with others is normal. It’s only an issue when it’s imbalanced with other priorities like having boundaries.
What approval addicts are often missing is self-approval. We all have an inner critic that says things like, “You’re not good enough. You’re nothing compared to these people around you. If you give yourself approval, you’re being selfish.”
You can’t get rid of this voice. What you can do is choose whether or not to buy into it or something greater.
You also have a part of yourself that says, “You’re worthy. You’re good enough. You’re just as valuable as anyone else.” The question becomes: “Which voice do I choose to align to?”
This often means asking yourself questions like, “Can I give myself some approval right now? What is something I appreciate about myself?” The next step is to then be willing to actually allow yourself to receive that approval.
To break approval addiction, remember to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
In much the same way, you can overcome approval addiction by equally valuing other important things, such as your need for significance and control. While wanting to control things can be taken too far just like wanting approval, it is the Yang to approval-seeking’s Yin. Both are necessary for balance.
Questions that typically help me are: “Do I want other people’s opinions to have power over me? Would I rather let this person control me or maintain control over my own life?”
Finally, there is the ultimate key to overcoming approval addiction. It’s by using the greatest motivator— unconditional love.
Worrying about what other people think masquerades as love. In reality, when you really love someone, you’re willing to have their disapproval.
Imagine a parent with a child. If the parent is too concerned about the child’s opinion of them, they might not discipline their child for fear of the child disliking them.
Have you ever seen a parent who lets their child get away with anything because they don’t want to be the “bad guy?” Is this truly loving?
To break approval addiction, I realized I had to ask one of the most challenging questions anyone could ask themselves: Am I willing to love this person enough to have them hate me?
If you really care for someone, telling them, “You’re screwing up your life” and having them feel the pain of that statement might be the most loving thing you can do.
This comes with the very real possibility they will reject you for pointing out the truth. However, if you love someone, wouldn’t you rather have them go through a little short-term pain in order to save them a lot of pain down the road?
On the upside, many people will eventually come to appreciate you more in the long term if you’re willing to be honest with them and prioritize your love for them over your desire for their approval.
If you have to share a harsh truth, start first by asking, “Can I be a true friend?” to let them know what you’re about to say is coming from a place of love.
I’ve found that everything, including the desire for approval, can serve or enslave you depending on how you respond to it.
Do you use your desire for approval as a force to help you see things from other people’s perspective, or do you use it as a crutch on which you base your happiness?
Do you use your desire for approval as a reminder to give yourself approval, or do you use it as an excuse to be miserable when others don’t give you approval?
Finally, are you willing to show the ultimate demonstration of genuine love—sacrificing your desire for approval in order to serve another?